The Perfect Foam

Public vs. Private

Have you ever noticed how you have “public” friends, distinct from your “private” friends?  If you’re wondering what in the heck I’m referring to let me clarify.  Public friends are your “watching the game at the bar” friends, or your “riding the bus in the morning” friends.  They represent anyone that you only spend time with in a public setting.  This contrasts with your private friends who you invite into your home or meet up with for dinner/coffee (they’re a part of your private life; get it, private life, “private” friend…).  Just as a note, I would like to add that I am not implying that a private friend is better or worse than a public friend.  These names simply serve to distinguish between the two.

I had definitely been aware of this divide between public and private, but it had never registered in my mind so distinctly until last week.  A co-worker of mine referred to her “ferry friends” and I suddenly realized how stark the divide between public and private is.

Public friends are perfect to bond with over a football game, but they aren’t necessarily perfect to meet up with outside of watching the game.  At least for me, the friends I have made while watching my beloved Patriots at bars over the past few years have mostly stayed in the public realm of friends.  Outside of the public setting, it would almost be strange to get together with them.

It can happen, though.  Kind of.

I spent a year watching Patriots’ games at the same bar, mostly with the same two guys.  Every week, we informally met up to watch the game.  Before we made the shift to becoming pseudo private friends (story below), I had run into one of the guys from the bar on the metro.  I was with a couple of my private friends at the time and looking back I remember being somewhat flustered.  I had never met one of my “watching the game at the bar” friends outside of the bar.  And for some reason it was a somewhat confusing situation.  I briefly introduced him to my friends and then he and his wife got off at the next stop.

Towards the end of football season we finally exchanged numbers, but we then proceeded to have almost zero contact until the next season began.  During the next season we actually watched a regular season game at one of the guy’s house, and then we got together for each of the three playoff games (including the Super Bowl).  So we never did meet up for dinner and we stayed within the framework of what had originally brought us together (football), but we did spend time with one another outside of a bar setting.

Having moved to a different city, I am going through the same process all over again.  I have found a Patriots’ bar and over the past few weeks I have seen some of the same guys a few times now.  It’s a slow process- I am only on a first name basis with one of them and I haven’t seen him since we officially introduced ourselves.

Making public friends is somewhat easy.  It’s the becoming private friends that seems to be the difficult part.