The Perfect Foam

Saying Goodbye

Having been out of town a couple of times lately, I was reminded how much I hate the act of leaving and of saying goodbye. While of course leaving home is usually exciting, leaving to come back home is far less so. For me this has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to come home, and everything to do with not wanting to say goodbye to a place/people.

I especially have a tough time saying goodbye to people. Whether leaving a job (no matter how much I hated it), or leaving my study abroad program in Brisbane, Australia, I have always had a problem with letting go. I have actually done my best to avoid saying goodbye to anyone I knew I wouldn’t be seeing again, or most likely wouldn’t be seeing again. It was much easier for me to stick with saying goodbye only to those people that I had some degree of certainty would cross my path again. My (perhaps immature) way of dealing with this problem enabled me to leave things as if nothing was changing, helping me to avoid overtly acknowledging an end.

This might sound odd to some, but it boils down to the fact that I simply don’t like losing a connection I have made with a person. Of course not all connections we make with others are permanent ones and there simply isn’t enough time to remain in regular contact with every one that we meet. Nevertheless, I just don’t like it.

I have become (slightly) better at getting myself to say goodbye, but it’s still one of those realities of life that I don’t think I will ever become accustomed to. The worst is when the day of departure has arrived. No matter how late in the day I am supposed to be leaving, I begin to get a feeling in the pit of my stomach signaling to me that the ritual of saying goodbye has come once again. I of course attempt to ignore this feeling, but to no avail as it grows stronger with each passing hour.

It may be the feeling of inevitability that saying goodbye evokes in me because I do tend to dislike anything that’s inevitable. In fact, I am sure there are a whole host of reasons behind my phobia, but I am fairly certain even if I ascertained these reasons my phobia wouldn’t be going anywhere fast.

If I happen to visit you, just know that I don’t want to leave!